Sunday, December 27, 2009

Season's Beatings...

The Villians of Christmas:

Satan's Little Drummer Boy

Mom and Dad thought it was a good idea to give Damien a drum for christmas. "we'll encourage his artistic side!" mom cheerfully exclaimed as she pulled a piece of scotch tape. "Maybe he'll become rich and famous? and take care of us in his old age!" Dad enthused with his pipe. Damien took to the drum like a fish to water. He banged away at it all day and all night....The racket was unbearable.

Soon, he stopped sleeping. Soon, he stopped eating. Soon, he stopped blinking.

by the time they called the priest, it was too late.

Adolf, The Hateful Reindeer

Adolf was never like the other reindeer. All year long the others would run and train and jump and play their incipient little reindeer games all hoping and waiting and biding there time for the fat man to make his selection.

"oh i hope he chooses me this year!" one deer said as the line-up of candidates settled.

"no! he'll choose me! i'm ever so fast!" the one down the line chimed in.

Adolf bit his tounge.

The large red man waddled his way along the path, sizing up one deer after another. When he was in just the right spot, Adolf signaled his followers. what followed was a flurry of blood and polyester fur that soon littered the fresh snow.

After a rousing speech, some of the deer followed, others lagged behind out of confusion.

The now crippled man lay in the damp red snow, gasping for air beneath his beard.

Adolf promised the wolves could have the remains.


As a side note, i meant to post this on christmas..i just forgot. The "Villians of Christmas" is a series that i've been thinking about for a while. for the past two years i've drawn a sort of trading card for what i call "the Villians of Christmas"...essentially anti-x-mas cards. I had originally meant to finish a good six or so cards for this year and print them out and give them to people...thaaat never happened. i always get lazy or depressed around holidays so its especially difficult for me to crank out holiday inspired work. Anyway, I hope you like the VILLIANS OF CHRISTMAS--but mostly, i hope your holidays were nice.

honestly, i'm just glad they're over and now i have the rest of the year to not think about them.


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